


Schnookems

by worrisomeme



Category: Marvel
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Pet Names, but no actual sex, comic canon compliant, in that peter is an adult, mostly - Freeform, texting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:53:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14397615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worrisomeme/pseuds/worrisomeme
Summary: It starts with a simple, seemingly harmless, barely a sentence text:[Peter:Thanks Deadpool][Peter:I really mean it]And it really is sincere and everything. Wade had really come through for him tonight. Yet again. He really seems to do that a lot, actually, now that Peter thinks about it.[Deadpool:Deadpool?][Deadpool:That’s not a very sweet pet name for your boyfriend][Deadpool:I much prefer schnookems]





	Schnookems

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RHCarter (Rad_Loser_Weenie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rad_Loser_Weenie/gifts).



It starts with a simple, seemingly harmless, barely a sentence text:

[ **Peter:** Thanks Deadpool]

[ **Peter:** I really mean it]

And it really is sincere and everything. Wade had really come through for him tonight. Yet again. He really seems to do that a lot, actually, now that Peter thinks about it.

[ **Deadpool:** Deadpool?]

[ **Deadpool:** That’s not a very sweet pet name for your boyfriend]

[ **Deadpool:** I much prefer schnookems]

Peter’s face screws up in confusion and he stares at his screen for a solid thirty seconds before sending a reply.

[ **Peter:** My what now?]

And it’s not like Deadpool doesn’t flirt with him constantly, really, but to make a comment like that. What’s he playing at? He makes his way onto a rooftop and pulls off his mask as he stares at his phone, waiting for a reply.

[ **Deadpool:** Awh you don’t have to play coy with me baby ;D]

[ **Peter:** I assure you, I’m not]

[ **Peter:** Kind of like how we’re not dating]

[ **Peter:** Funny how things work, isn’t it?]

[ **Peter:** P.s. don’t call me baby]

Wade sends a picture of himself, but his mask is still on so it’s hard to tell what kind of look he’s got on his face.

[ **Deadpool:** You can’t hide your true feelings from me sugarlips]

Peter tries not to, but he can’t help it, laughter bubbles up from his throat and he shakes his head, a warm feeling in his chest.

Oh no.

[ **Peter:** Trust the guy who uses schnookems to also use sugarlips]

[ **Peter:** And also, maybe you should avoid talking about things you don’t know anything about :P]

[ **Deadpool:** Things I don’t know anything about huh?]

[ **Deadpool:** Why don’t you come over here and show me then?]

Peter feels his cheeks flush against his own will and better judgement and he slips his mask back on. He looks around quickly and spots the merc with a mouth three buildings over. He waves and blows a kiss before looking back down to his phone in his hands.

[ **Deadpool:** Or, if you’d rather, I can talk about your hot ass instead.]

[ **Deadpool:** Now that’s something I know all about ;3]

Peter’s blush darkens and he barks out a laugh, shaking his head.

[ **Peter:** I’ve never seen a grown man use as many emojis as you do]

[ **Peter:** And stop staring at my ass]

[ **Peter:** That’s the real reason you try and come help me, isn’t it?]

[ **Peter:** So you can stare at my ass in the suit]

[ **Deadpool:** You know it baby ;P]

[ **Deadpool:** You can call me sugarlips if you want]

[ **Deadpool:** You can call me whatever you want ;)]

[ **Deadpool:** Come on, come over here and let me show you what you’re missing out on]

Peter feels his heart racing and he clenches his jaw a little. _No,_ he thinks. He cannot be seriously developing feelings for Deadpool. This is _not_ happening. Not after everything with MJ, and Gwen… God, Gwen. Then he laughs to himself, he can’t help it. After Gwen, go figure he’d get a crush on this crazy guy who can’t die. And then he laughs again, and this time it doesn’t stop. He feels a little hysterical as he leans against the door to the building.

[ **Deadpool:** You okay over there sweetheart?]

And just like that the laughter stops. Because no, this is not happening.

[ **Deadpool:** No, you’re more of a stud]

[ **Deadpool:** You can call me sweetheart though]

[ **Deadpool:** Much better pet name than my superhero name]

[ **Deadpool:** I’ve got a nice dress I can put on for ya and everything]

[ **Deadpool:** Anything for my man]

[ **Peter:** We are not dating.]

[ **Deadpool:** Why don’t you come over here any say that to my face baby?]

And Peter knows what Wade’s doing, he does. But he can’t back down in the face of a challenge and so he swings over to the rooftop the other man is on.

“I know you like to mess with me, but you do know we’re not dating, right?” Peter asks.

Wade pulls off his mask and Peter takes in the scarred skin underneath. His eyes are sincere as he takes a step toward him, but, being Wade Wilson, he still has to crack a joke. “It’s the face, right?”  He laughs half-heartedly. “I work twice as hard in bed to make up for it, I promise.”

“It’s not the face Deadpool,” Peter says honestly, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the half-wall around the edge of the building.

“You know I know who you are, right?” Wade says, eyebrows raised and arms crossing over his chest, mimicking, half-mocking. “You can take the mask off Peter Parker. Photographer by day, Spider-Man by night. How’s May doing? You stop by her place today?”

Peter’s cheeks burn red again and he tugs off his mask despite himself. “See Wade? It’s this. You don’t take anything seriously, you play with people’s lives-“

“Oh I’d play with more than your life,” Wade interrupts, winking and making a crude gesture, as he steps even closer, almost toe-to-toe now. “We could have a real good time if you’d just let go a little Parker.”

And despite the wink and the gesture and the insinuations, Wade’s posture and tone gives away how sincere he is. And Peter’s gotta admit, it’s kind of weird to see this side of him. Maybe there’s more to the merc than he thought.

“So whadda ya say schnookems?”

Peter snorts and rolls his eyes, but he can’t stop the smile that’s tugging up the corners of his mouth.

“Come on lovebug.” Wade smirks and winks. “Get it? Cuz you’re _Spider-_ Man.”

He balks at that one, his grin widening.

“Okay, that one was good,” he admits. “But I’m not that easy _sugarlips_ ,” he teases, “I’ve usually gotta get a couple dates in before I tread into boyfriend or pet name territory.”

“Oh yeah?” Wade asks, and his face lights up a little. “Whatcha doin’ right now bugaboo?”

“Trying to protect New York City,” Peter replies, laughing.

“Things seem pretty slow to me,” Wade says, shrugging and crossing his arms over his chest again. “Think you could take the rest of the night off? I know this great Italian spot a couple blocks over.”

Peter huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. “Can we at least change first?” he asks. “Not sure how the world would take us in full costume on a date.”

Wade’s grinning even as he crosses his arms over his chest and says, “You’re such a party pooper.”

 

*

 

[ **Wade:** You know lovebug]

He and Wade have been dating for a month now and Peter really has to tell him to stop texting him while he’s out patrolling.

[ **Wade:** I’ve been thinking.]

Peter snorts and rolls his eyes fondly, sending back:

[ **Peter:** You know that’s dangerous.]

[ **Wade:** I like to live dangerously ;3]

[ **Wade:** Anyway!]

[ **Wade:** I’ve got this adorable and totally fitting pet name for you]

[ **Wade:** But you still haven’t come up with one for me yet.]

[ **Wade:** And I’m not sure if it should hurt my feelings or not]

Peter raises his eyebrows as he read the message, an amused look on his face.

[ **Wade:** But I’ve come up with a perfect solution]

[ **Wade:** Adorable and TOTALLY fitting]

[ **Wade:** Okay?]

[ **Wade:** You ready for it?]

Peter’s snickering and shaking his head, glancing up only briefly to check on the city around him.

[ **Peter:** I don’t know if I’m ever ready for any of your ideas]

[ **Peter:** But go ahead]

[ **Peter:** you’re going to anyway]

[ **Wade:** Okay, okay, so it’s totally adorable and fitting]

[ **Wade:** You’ll be my lovebug, and I’ll be……]

[ **Wade:** *drumroll* God.]

[ **Wade:** I’m sure he won’t mind sharing the title, right?]

Peter busts out laughing. He can just imagine the look on his boyfriend’s face, the ridiculous eyebrow-waggle.

[ **Wade:** It’s perfect, isn’t it?]

[ **Peter:** I’m not calling you God]

[ **Wade:** You do in the bedroom ;D]

Peter flushes to his toes and can’t help but bite his lip a little, fighting a smile.

[ **Peter:** That’s just me praying it’ll be over soon]

He snickers and shakes his head a little, stuffing his phone in a secure pocket before taking off. He should probably actually be keeping an eye out, or he might as well just go home. Or to Wade’s place…

Now that’s an idea.

When he finally settles on another rooftop his phone is positively blown up.

[ **Wade:** *gasp*]

[ **Wade:** Why would you hurt me like that Peter Parker?]

[ **Wade:** Say it’s a lie!]

[ **Wade:** Say it!]

[ **Wade:** You know you love that thing I do with the ropes]

[ **Wade:** And the thing I do with my tongue]

Peter’s snickering as he reads over the messages, then suddenly there’s a body behind him and a familiar, whining voice saying, “And the thing I do with the-“

Peter whirls around and cuts Wade off with a kiss through their masks, laughing as he pulls back a little.

“Shut up,” he says, then adds, for good measure, “I’m not calling you God. Frankly, you’re lucky I call you at all,” he teases.

“You are so mean to me,” Wade teases him, lifting up their masks just enough to steal a proper kiss. “I don’t know why I put up with this kind of abuse.”

“For the sex, I think,” Peter jokes, laughing as he tugs his mask back down.

“The sex _is_ great,” Wade replies, his smirk disappearing under his own mask.

“And anyway, I thought you preferred schnookems,” Peter teases, referring back to the conversation that started all this.

“That was before you took me out on a proper date,” Wade quips right back, slinking arms around the other man’s waist and pulling him in closer.

Peter opens his mouth to make a joke, but then a crash and a scream cuts him off. Oh well, it will have to wait.

“I think that’s our cue,” he says instead, stealing a quick kiss through their masks before they’re rushing off to save the day.

 

*

 

[ **Peter:** I’ll just call you my little Merc]

[ **Peter:** Or my favorite little murderer :P]

[ **Peter:** I mean, I call you that anyway]

[ **Wade:** That’ll never work]

[ **Wade:** They’re too long]

[ **Wade:** Though I guess that aspect of it’s fitting, huh? ;D]

Peter snickers and rolls his eyes. He’s laying in bed and this is really starting to bother him. Like, way more than he thought it would. It’s just, they stumbled into the perfect one for Peter with lovebug and it actually makes him feel really good when Wade calls him that. He wants to have something special like that too, to reciprocate the feeling. Even bugaboo makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside (and makes everyone around them roll their eyes, so bonus).

[ **Peter:** I could call you my little puppy because you follow me around like one :P]

[ **Wade:** I’m not the one in the collar when the suit comes off ;3]

[ **Peter:** Then I’ll call you puppy in public and stick to Master in the bedroom ;) ]

[ **Wade:** You know you just gave me a boner, right?]

[ **Peter:** How fast can you get over here?]

[ **Wade:** You want me to go out in public and drag my ass over there with a boner?]

[ **Wade:** You scoundrel]

[ **Wade:** I think you’re forgetting who’s in charge here lovebug]

[ **Wade:** I’ll be there in five]

[ **Wade:** to remind you]

Peter laughs, but it’s already breathy, his heart already starting to race. He’s not sure if this is a mystery that will ever be solved, especially not when half their conversations get interrupted by super villains and half of them devolve into sex.

[ **Peter:** The front door’s unlocked ;) ]

Later that night, as he’s laying there thoroughly fucked with Wade making them food in his kitchen, he thinks maybe he’s okay with not having the perfect nickname for his boyfriend just yet. Maybe solving the mystery is really the fun part after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope everyone enjoyed it!<3
> 
> Comments, kudos, reblogs on tumblr all mean sososo much to me.<3 <3 <3
> 
> And, as always, you can find me on [tumblr](http://worrisomeme.tumblr.com) where i have been a little absent lately but now that spring is finally breaking I'll probably be more active and writing more again!<3


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